Got Candy?
by Parodys
Summary: Magneto has declared the final battle and the cherries work a little revenge of their own. A little piece of fluff for midterms!
1. The Golden Ticket

Disclaimer: I don't own them, it or whoever else appears in the fic. 

A/N: This was written as a present to my sis who was having a hard week at college. It was her challenge (which I will reveal at the very end of this fic) that inspired it so blame her for the resulting wackiness!! 

Got Candy?

"Bwahahahahaha!!"

Magneto chuckled evilly to himself as he set his plan into motion. "Oh yes, be afraid world, because, I, Magneto have just unleashed the plan that will bring about the demise of the X-men! Wahahahahaha!" 

Outside a bird chirped, and the man known as Magnus glared at it. "What? You don't believe me? Well this time it'll work, because I have the perfect plan."

The bluebird hopped on it's branch a little closer ruffling it's feathers. "Cheep?"

"Well, it all starts with a little gift..."

Mystique and Sabretooth watched as the older man revealed his plan, in detail, to the bird. Finally, after laughing maniacally for a total of thirteen times, he sprinted out the door leaving the two mutants looking at each other dubiously.

"Did you remember his medication?"

Sabretooth shrugged. "Yeah."

"I think it may be time for another appointment with Dr. James." Mystique picked up the phone and started dialing a number automatically.

"Hell yeah."

-in-

Just three days later (in an ideal postal system)

Hundreds of miles away, the mail had just arrived with the usual flurry of Gen X members scrambling to get a look at the mail first. Sean who had the unfortunate luck of arriving first, was busy fending off five teenagers peering over his shoulder at the several envelopes and packages. 

"Children!" Six heads turned to look at Emma who had just entered. "Sean is not a machine and I'd prefer not to have him damaged, thank you very much."

Sean blushed a beet red, while the teenagers backed off. Jubilee grinned. "Always knew you had a thing for the Irish, Frost."

Emma sighed. "Oh yes, for years I've been yearning for the hot Irish loving that only Sean can dish out." She quickly handed out the various items to their respective owners and watched them leave with a small smile tugging at her lips. 

Once they had gone, and Sean managed to breathe again, he burst out. "Emma! Have ye lost leave of yer senses?"

Emma raised an eyebrow and patted his beet red cheek. "It was that or fight them for the mail. This was at least more interesting."

"Glad that I'm providing amusement for ye, Frost." Sean muttered under his breathe as he walked out the room. 

Upstairs Jubilee had excitedly examined her package and envelope. The box was about the size of a ...

"What did you get?" Angelo asked, poking his head in the door. Jubilee's room, contrary to it's usual mess, had actually been transformed into a presentable space due to threats from the co-principals of the school. If Emma and Sean had chosen to look any closer than their cursory glance around the room, they would have found a closet stuffed to bursting point and a space under the bed that had more layers of dirt than any archeological site on earth.

"Dunno." Ripping the envelope open, Jubilee's eye grew wider and wider as she read the enclosed letter. "Holy...."

Angelo plopped down on the bed next to her and peered over her shoulder, quickly skimming over the words till his eyes fell on a thin plastic gold card. "Dios, is that what I think it is?"

Jubilee reverently held up the card to the light. "If this is some kind of joke...."

Meanwhile, Angelo had opened the box to reveal several pounds of candy, chocolate and sugar. "It ain't no joke. You have _the_ card. The card of all cards. You have..."

"The card." Jubilee whispered.

-in-

Time: Much, much later

Later that evening Sean had finally managed to get over being called...called a...Irish....even his mind had trouble saying it. It seemed like that less than two years ago his world had been orderly, calm, and while not that pleasant, was certainly more predictable than living with a person like Emma Frost. Sighing heavily, he sank into his armchair and flipped on the television. At least he could just sit and relax...

"Good evening viewers, if you've just tuned in we have breaking news on the story that has just erupted from the downtown streets of Salem Massachusetts..."

The TV clicked off, he did not want to know, there was no way that he was going to get involved, no way in hell.

*click*

"...eye witnesses are reporting that a young girl running is running amock through the streets. The girl in question is about five feet tall, with black hair and is of Asian descent. Police have tried to contain the girl but all attempts to communicate have failed...."

"Can't we just ignore it?" Sean's desperate plea was aimed at the dark corner where Emma was standing. "It may not be Jubilee."

There was a soft sigh. "How many other teenage Asian girls do you know that could be running insanely downtown?"

Sean leaned over to shut off the TV, and got up wearily. "I've got to meet more people."

-in-

Four hours earlier

It was power, pure and simple. Jubilee had it. Angelo had it by association. both of them were enjoying it. It had taken them less than ten minutes to get to shop, aided (and according to the police afterwards, abetted) by Angelo's driver's license and a willing disregard for any speed laws. 

Jubilee strode into the store, her face set with a determined expression that the sales clerks at Bloomingdale would recognize on a sale day. Unfortunately the women here didn't have a chance. 

The card was pure magic, one flash and it produced access to the best candy shop in the world. Unlimited, free, access to the best candy in the world. 

To be fair the card was the rather odd invention of the candy company's president (who admittedly at the time was on heavy medication). The man's premise was that for an exorbitant fee, a card could be purchased that would allow the bearer to have access to as much candy as they liked in any of the candy stores around the world. A sort of 'golden ticket" for the masses. Luckily, the fee for the card had been too expensive to make the card worthwhile for anyone...with the exception of one Magneto who was of dubious sanity anyway. In the company's history there had only been one card purchased and it was now in the hands of a hyperactive teenager that even Logan feared after she had eaten large amounts of sugar. 

Meanwhile, Jubilee was coaching Angelo on the delicate art of chugging straight from the Icee machine without getting a brain freeze. Her lips were starting to turn blue when she finally turned the machine off. "See, after the first few minutes you're numb from the cold and there isn't any pain."

Angelo had already shoved her aside and started inhaling the neon pink liquid. After watching his successful manipulation of the breathe-chug-breathe maneuver, Jubilee returned her attention to the rest of the store. The two store clerks shifted nervously as a glint began to burn maniacally in Jubilee's eyes. 

Smiling angelically, Jubilee let her calculating gaze linger on their forms. "So," she mentioned casually. "I bet you can lift a good forty, fifty pounds huh?"

-in-

On the other side of town

"These are really good." Scott shoved another handful of cherries in his mouth, ignoring the looks of disgust from his wife and friends, as he spat the pits out haphazardly.

Hank heft the cherry tree he had been designated to carry, and tried to snag a red berry only to have Scott slap his hand. "Ow!"

"Mine. I picked 'em, I'm going to eat all of them. You all just watched." Scott remarked rather smugly as he popped one in.

Bobby rolled his eyes. "You picked them from the fruit vendor, man. All you had to do was dump them into a bag, Farmer Brown."

"I did the dumping." 

"And I'm carrying the damn tree that you whined for us to get after you scarfed down a pound of those cherries. So hand over the goods." Hank held out a rather large hand, seemingly unaware of his talons waving centimeters away from Scott's face as he waited.

"I don't wanna."

"Scott." Jean's voice lowered with a note of warning. "I did not marry a three-year old. Give Hank some berries. Now."

Although Scott's lip trembled precariously, he handed over a small portion of the fruit to the larger man who popped them in his mouth with a smirk. "Actually, the cherry is not a berry per se but a member of the apple family and thus is a..."

"Hank, don't make me take the cherries back."

Hank shot a startled glance down to his stomach. "I already ate them."

"I know." Jean's eyes flashed for a moment before she smiled. "Now that we've got everything settled, why don't we go home and set up the grill for dinner?"

"Yum. Steaks a la Bobby." Bobby licked his lips appreciatively at the thought of his somewhat famous marinade sauce that had earned accolade in the mansion. A sharp trill from his phone made his smile falter slightly and he answered it. "'Lo?"

After several minutes of silence, Bobby shut off the phone with an expression of disbelief on his face. 

"What is it?" Jean asked in concern.

"Magneto is attacking downtown Salem. I think. He's apparently stalking up and down the streets screaming that it's time for the final battle. The prof wants us to check it out." Bobby paused uncertainly for a second. "I thought he was on medication now."

"Well not enough apparently." Scott straightened his shoulders with what he assumed was a leadershiply and courageous attitude as he finished the last of the cherries. It probably would have worked if he hadn't had red stains all over his face and hands. "Let's go save the world!" He cried and promptly marched off to a conveniently located Port-a-Potty to change into his uniform.

A/N: I hope you liked this slightly insane fic because more is coming. Reviews are good, so be kind to your writer!


	2. Madness and mayhem

Disclaimer: I don't own them, never did. The cherries are mine! Mine!

A/N: Welcome to another round of Scott verses the Cherry or Jubilee's Mad Rampage. I'm still figuring out who will cause the most damage. Hope you like this and reviews are ambrosia to the writer!!

Got Candy?

Chapter 2

-in-

"That is the most amazing thing." 

"Yeah."

"In goes sugar." 

"Yep."

"Out comes cottony goodness. Pink cottony goodness."

"Or blue fluffy happiness." Angelo added for good measure.

Jubilee managed to drag her eyes away from the rather frazzled shop attendant who was beginning to wish that she hadn't come in to work that day. Actually she had started thinking that about twenty minutes after Jubilee entered the store. After three solid hours she was thinking of ways to creatively torture her boss had been sick with the flu. Supposedly. "Makes you believe in magic doesn't it?" the woman asked dryly.

"Yes. Yes it does." Jubilee nodded fervently. Her attention returned to the boxes that were being loaded up onto the cart. Not wanting to be selfish in any fashion, Jubilee had kindly left a pound of candy in each of the different bins for other children in the area. Not being stupid, she had loaded the rest of the candy onto a moving van the candy store had provided. 

Now, legend has been made of Jubilee's tolerance for sugar. Horror stories have been told of the night she consumed three, one-pound bags of Skittles, a bottle of Surge, several expressos and a box of Sugar Bomb cereal. Rumors have it that Emma had to repair the entire third floor of the girls' dorm. It's also been said that even Sabretooth fears a sugared up Jubilation Lee. It's all true. 

At that point and time, Jubilee's energy levels were sky-high and she was moving around the room in a curious jump, hop bouncing step that made her look like she was Tigger on crack. Sparks fizzed around her fingertips and as she bent to peer at a new kind of jawbreaker, a case shattered as a stray burst of plasma shot off her hand. "Oops!" She blinked innocently and then broke into peals of laughter. Her face grew red as she giggled hysterically, unable to control the sparks around her hands that were starting to fly off at odd moments, which then proceeded to fry every electronic system in the western section of the mall.  

The lights flickered out, leaving them in the glow of multicolored sparks still shimmering around Jubilee. 

"Chica, I think we better go now."

Jubilee grinned, seemingly unaware of the change in the lack of light. "Yes. We must go share the candy with our friends."

Angelo looked at her in interest as he pried the cotton candy machine from the shop clerk. "Who is that exactly?"

"The X-men. Paige mocked my cereal this morning so she doesn't get any candy. Jono would just get sad. And I just don't like M." Jubilee patted his cheek reassuringly. "But you're my bestest friend ever. Aside from Wolvie. And Ev. But you're cuter than any of them. You have the nicest ass." Jubilee whispered confidentially, her voice echoing across the mall as she pinched the other said cheek.

"Really?" Angelo looked interested for a moment before he returned to his possessive hold on the cotton candy machine which he was dragging out the door, inch by inch. "Do I have to give _her_ up?" 

"As long as she's not in the bedroom I don't care."

-in- 

"This is embarrassing." Sabretooth mumbled to Mystique as he half-heartedly trashed a car. "I mean, I can understand the reckless abandonment for lives in order to take over the world but this is just stupid. Asking for the X-men to battle us?"

"It's a part of Magneto's plan. We have to support him." Mystique replied, somewhat less than thrilled to be picking a fight exactly a half an hour before the Friends' season premiere. "Plus he's our leader."

"He was also talking to a bird less than three hours ago. Insanity is fine and dandy until it gets our asses kicked." the large mutant smashed a store window for the newscasters hovering above the area who eagerly televised the terrified people running screaming from the building.

"Halt villains!" 

Magneto looked up triumphantly as Scott, Jean, Hank and Bobby arrived on the scene. "At last, we will have the final battle between good and evil."

Everyone halted in their tracks and stared at the man with the sole exception of Scott who looked positively thrilled at the idea. "Magneto, you will never triumph while we live to withstand you and your brotherhood of mutants. We fight for truth and justice and the American way." Scott took a shuddering breath and blinked back tears. "Come my teammates, we will undo this evil genius's plan!" 

"Oh brother." Hank rolled his eyes and even Jean's cheeks were red as they listened to their teamleader's fervor. 

Magneto paused mid-mayhem. "You think I'm a genius?"

"Well of course." Scott nodded reassuringly. "It takes a real evil genius to try and take over the world again and again."

"I woulda called it stupidity." Sabretooth muttered under his breath, causing Hank to stifle a laugh.

Sounding mildly pleased at Scott's comment and totally ignoring the other, Magneto finished tossing the car onto a lightpole. "Thank you."

"Your welcome." Scott smiled politely as he shot an optic beam at Magneto, sending him into the wall behind him.

Sighing, Bobby shrugged and started pelting icicles at Sabretooth. Hank, much in the same vein as Bobby, launched himself at Mystique. 

It was several moments later, after half of the city block had been destroyed that Scott began to feel slightly unwell. His stomach gurgled uncertainly and two seconds later, an excruciating pain began to course through his abdomen. "Ow."

Jean ran over to him. "Are you okay?"

A loud rumble sounded and Scott looked up worried. "Um, I don't think so."

Hank paused in the middle of giving Mystique a noogie, a smirk on his face. "I warned you about the perils of eating so many cherries."

"Oh my." Scott doubled over in pain and began to look frantically for a bathroom.

"Oh ew." Bobby grimaced.

"Magneto, can we take a time out? I need to use the bathroom..." Scott didn't finish his sentence as he sprinted to the aforementioned Port-a-Potty. 

"I did marry a three-year old." Jean muttered, shaking her head.

All the while the news cameras were recording the fight. At the mansion Xavier watched in disbelief as the cameras zoomed in on Scott running to the blue cubicle while the others paused in the fight. Logan and Sarah however roared in laughter, surreptitiously putting in a blank tape in the vcr. 

Xavier groaned as he listened to the commentary accompanying the scene. 

"We are bringing you live footage from downtown Salem where it seems as if the leader of the X-men, known as Cyclops paused mid-fight to take a potty break. Sources confirm that Cyclops is indeed in the bathroom while his teammates wait for him to finish up so they can continue to fight...." 

"That is hysterical!" Jubilee squealed appearing in the doorway  hefting several bags of candy. She frowned thoughtfully. "Actually everything is really funny right now. Cause..um... we were listening to that show with the guy and he was really really funny but usually he isn't because he just isn't funny but today he kept on saying the greatest stuff like how um things today are so much more worse then when he was a kid because he had..." Jubilee paused for dramatic effect. "tin can shoes!!!!" The girl promptly dissolved into helpless laughter. 

Everyone ducked as sparks began to fly off at various angles. To make a very long story short, with a half an hour the mansion was a smoldering mass of rubble and Jubilee had run off to help Scott, Bobby, Hank and Jean. Authorities found Angelo much later, still clutching a melted heap of metal while muttering "I _do_ believe in magic. _I do_!" 

-in-

A/N: Okay..now I'm scared because this is becoming a lot longer then I ever imagined. More is coming. For those who mentioned it….yes, my humor is very weird. Personally I blame my sister. As for the challenge it was that I had to include the following items; a cherry tree, cherries, someone having to go to the bathroom really really bad, Emma, Scott and a newscaster. Did I mention my sister was twisted? :)


End file.
